I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always as thankful as I should be. Sure, I'm thankful for my husband, my family, my home, for living each day. Those are the easy things for which to be thankful. It's the other things that I'm talking about, you know, the hard stuff. God commands us to be thankful in all circumstances, for all things. What? Thankful for all things? In all circumstances?
My struggle is learning to give thanks for the things in my life that really just kind of stink. I try not to dwell on those things too much, but when the holidays roll around, they are magnified and "in my face". Instead of writing about them in a negative way, I'm going to try to flip-the-script for a minute...
I give thanks for the fact that I got the chance to be someone's mother, even if it feels like it was just for a little while. I'm grateful for the times, both good and bad, that I share with my daughter. Her distance is not something I would have chosen, but I'm blessed to be her mom. Nothing makes me happier than getting a text or call from her.
I'm beyond blessed to have two amazing grandchildren. I thank God for the pictures I get to see of them, and the times I get to see them on video chats. Getting to see them in person is rare, but, oh, so precious. I'm grateful that my grandson's father has made sure that we are included in his life. It is a priceless gift.
Being away from all of my family has taught me just how important they are to me, and the value of those connections is immeasurable. I'm thankful to live in a world where I can get in a car, or hop on a plane, and within a short time, be back with them. My time apart from family has given me opportunities to grow personally and spiritually. Although my family is precious to me, God has provided people in my life to fill the void while I'm away from them. I long for the day when we are geographically closer.
God restores me every day. I am thankful that He's not finished with me yet.
Thank you, Lord, for loving me enough to send your son to die on the cross for me and to be the ransom for my sins.
Monday, November 20, 2017
Sunday, July 30, 2017
A Summer of ...
This summer has been overflowing with learning, driving, loving, and crying- really, a little bit of everything.
My desire to write a new blog post has been burning for some weeks. The pace of school work and life has just not slowed enough to give me the opportunity to wax philosophical just for fun... But, now that there is a brief lull in my activities, I want to take the time to update, to think, and to get such thoughts out of my head and into the blog-o-sphere.
First, I'll begin with the practicalities of it all. I have completed my second semester in sonography school, and, boy, was it intense. The subject material was crammed into such a short time. My head is still spinning. I spent three days a week at a new clinical site in a different city. At first, I was full of dread and angst at the thought of having to drive the hour to my new place, then the hour home everyday. But, God quickly gave me a chance to seek blessing and praise in the car. I pulled out some of my favorite worship music and got my praise on! The past eleven weeks have been some of the richest in my time with Him. I have genuinely felt Him watching over me and filling me up with joy every single day - through the tears of anger over school issues and through the tears of sadness over missing my daughter and my other family members. That may sound super cheesy or even unreal, but it is totally true. Even in my darkest moments of wanting to give up on this new journey, God has been there every step of the way. He has blessed me in indescribable ways and His mercies are new every morning.
Second, I AM A GRANDMOTHER FOR THE SECOND TIME! But, let me begin this story by telling you that, for the last five months, my husband and I have been in sweet communication with our daughter. When she first became pregnant with our new granddaughter, she quit talking with us. We don't know all of the motivations behind that decision, but we have embraced the renewed communication with joy. Through the five months that she has been speaking with us, we have learned a lot about her and her new life. A lot of the conversations have been simple, but some have been serious. I wouldn't trade my talks and texts with her for the world. They've all been meaningful in ways too wonderful to describe here. These past five months were also the last half of her pregnancy with our beautiful and precious new granddaughter. We knew that she was due to be born by c-section next week and we had planned our summer home visit to make sure we could be there for the birth. We were so excited that our daughter wanted us to be there. Unfortunately, she had to deliver early. On Thursday, just three days prior to writing this post, her doctor decided that it would be best to go ahead and take the baby now. So, that night, we became grandparents for a second time. Our granddaughter is tiny, but so perfect! We've received texted pictures, videos, and even spoken a few times with our daughter. We will be with them in person in just a few days. I can't wait!
Third, this summer has been one of learning about myself, about sonography, and about healthy living. I've learned a lot about myself as I've journeyed through these weeks of driving. I know that my personality is one that can be amazing or terrible, depending on the day or the moment. I want to be in the "balcony" of my personality traits, not the "basement". Honestly, I confess that I do a lot of basement living. I am striving to seek better expressions of my desires, emotions, and needs. I've also learned more about sonography and the anatomy I'll be scanning for the rest of my career. The head-knowledge comes easily to me, but I still struggle with the act of actually scanning patients. I'm learning to not be so hard on myself and to keep striving for improvement. The other major thing I've learned this summer is that good eating and exercise can actually help me look and feel better. These last several months have been the healthiest of my adult life. I've been more consistent with exercise. I have found a love of bike riding and enjoy going on bike rides with my husband. I've also learned that I can live without half-and-half, caramel, and chocolate syrups in my coffee. That may not be a big deal to some of my two readers, but it's a big deal to me. I am happy to report that I am well on my way to meeting my birthday weight-loss goal.
It's safe to say that I'm in a pretty happy place in my life journey right now. My husband and I both are learning and growing in a way that is exciting and surprising. I pray that God will continue to work in both of our school pursuits and in our striving to be healthier for our grandchildren, nieces, and nephews. I know that He is in control and knows what the future holds, whether I ever understand it or not.
My desire to write a new blog post has been burning for some weeks. The pace of school work and life has just not slowed enough to give me the opportunity to wax philosophical just for fun... But, now that there is a brief lull in my activities, I want to take the time to update, to think, and to get such thoughts out of my head and into the blog-o-sphere.
First, I'll begin with the practicalities of it all. I have completed my second semester in sonography school, and, boy, was it intense. The subject material was crammed into such a short time. My head is still spinning. I spent three days a week at a new clinical site in a different city. At first, I was full of dread and angst at the thought of having to drive the hour to my new place, then the hour home everyday. But, God quickly gave me a chance to seek blessing and praise in the car. I pulled out some of my favorite worship music and got my praise on! The past eleven weeks have been some of the richest in my time with Him. I have genuinely felt Him watching over me and filling me up with joy every single day - through the tears of anger over school issues and through the tears of sadness over missing my daughter and my other family members. That may sound super cheesy or even unreal, but it is totally true. Even in my darkest moments of wanting to give up on this new journey, God has been there every step of the way. He has blessed me in indescribable ways and His mercies are new every morning.
Second, I AM A GRANDMOTHER FOR THE SECOND TIME! But, let me begin this story by telling you that, for the last five months, my husband and I have been in sweet communication with our daughter. When she first became pregnant with our new granddaughter, she quit talking with us. We don't know all of the motivations behind that decision, but we have embraced the renewed communication with joy. Through the five months that she has been speaking with us, we have learned a lot about her and her new life. A lot of the conversations have been simple, but some have been serious. I wouldn't trade my talks and texts with her for the world. They've all been meaningful in ways too wonderful to describe here. These past five months were also the last half of her pregnancy with our beautiful and precious new granddaughter. We knew that she was due to be born by c-section next week and we had planned our summer home visit to make sure we could be there for the birth. We were so excited that our daughter wanted us to be there. Unfortunately, she had to deliver early. On Thursday, just three days prior to writing this post, her doctor decided that it would be best to go ahead and take the baby now. So, that night, we became grandparents for a second time. Our granddaughter is tiny, but so perfect! We've received texted pictures, videos, and even spoken a few times with our daughter. We will be with them in person in just a few days. I can't wait!
Third, this summer has been one of learning about myself, about sonography, and about healthy living. I've learned a lot about myself as I've journeyed through these weeks of driving. I know that my personality is one that can be amazing or terrible, depending on the day or the moment. I want to be in the "balcony" of my personality traits, not the "basement". Honestly, I confess that I do a lot of basement living. I am striving to seek better expressions of my desires, emotions, and needs. I've also learned more about sonography and the anatomy I'll be scanning for the rest of my career. The head-knowledge comes easily to me, but I still struggle with the act of actually scanning patients. I'm learning to not be so hard on myself and to keep striving for improvement. The other major thing I've learned this summer is that good eating and exercise can actually help me look and feel better. These last several months have been the healthiest of my adult life. I've been more consistent with exercise. I have found a love of bike riding and enjoy going on bike rides with my husband. I've also learned that I can live without half-and-half, caramel, and chocolate syrups in my coffee. That may not be a big deal to some of my two readers, but it's a big deal to me. I am happy to report that I am well on my way to meeting my birthday weight-loss goal.
It's safe to say that I'm in a pretty happy place in my life journey right now. My husband and I both are learning and growing in a way that is exciting and surprising. I pray that God will continue to work in both of our school pursuits and in our striving to be healthier for our grandchildren, nieces, and nephews. I know that He is in control and knows what the future holds, whether I ever understand it or not.
Tuesday, May 2, 2017
Springing into Summer
Today, I took my last final for this semester. I've just completed my first semester as a diagnostic medical sonography student. If you are unfamiliar with that subject, you might know it better as ultrasound. One semester down, three to go. For the last few weeks I have been consumed with studying for my first registry exam. The hope was that I could take the exam before the summer session of school begins. It is a major step in continuing in this process. If I don't pass it, I'll have to take an additional class this summer to review for it, and then I will only get one more chance. It costs money to take it each time. Money I really don't have. If I don't pass it by the end of the summer (I'll have to wait 60 days before I can retest), I will be removed from the program. That is scary.
Scary because I absolutely love what I'm doing, and I don't want to get kicked out.
Admittedly, the actual act of scanning a patient does not come easily to me. I have a pretty good grasp on the lecture and textbook material, but scanning is a challenge. That's a good thing. It means that I have to work to improve. As a student, I've never really been challenged. This is pushing me to rely on God and to focus on what he is calling me to do. I want to get better. My patients' lives depend on my ability to perform an ultrasound study with accuracy and completeness.
This first hurdle of the registry exam is looming large. I want to get it over with so that I can enjoy a little bit of a break before classes start again in two weeks. Unfortunately, the logistics involved don't seem to be working out for the timing I'd like. But, I'm not going to panic. Well, I'm going to try not to panic. I trust that God will work it out.
This has been a great Spring. I have learned so much and I am so thankful that God has called me to this new path. I'm not sure what exactly will happen when I'm finished, but I'm enjoying the ride so far.
Scary because I absolutely love what I'm doing, and I don't want to get kicked out.
Admittedly, the actual act of scanning a patient does not come easily to me. I have a pretty good grasp on the lecture and textbook material, but scanning is a challenge. That's a good thing. It means that I have to work to improve. As a student, I've never really been challenged. This is pushing me to rely on God and to focus on what he is calling me to do. I want to get better. My patients' lives depend on my ability to perform an ultrasound study with accuracy and completeness.
This first hurdle of the registry exam is looming large. I want to get it over with so that I can enjoy a little bit of a break before classes start again in two weeks. Unfortunately, the logistics involved don't seem to be working out for the timing I'd like. But, I'm not going to panic. Well, I'm going to try not to panic. I trust that God will work it out.
This has been a great Spring. I have learned so much and I am so thankful that God has called me to this new path. I'm not sure what exactly will happen when I'm finished, but I'm enjoying the ride so far.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Writing, Walking, and Waiting
Writing has always been a passion of mine. As a child, I wrote a soap-opera, if you can believe that! I have a decent collection of poetry from my teenage years that fills a nice folder. One of my poems was actually published in a poetry collection in high school. It was a joy to enter and win different writing contests when I was in school. My main emotional outlet was writing in journals- short stories, poems, etc. The point of this is not to brag, rather, it is to sort of share some angst over what has become of my writing as of late. This blog is an effort to place in written form some of the thoughts that I explore on a regular basis. Honestly, if no one else ever reads it, at least I will have cleared my own mind, and hopefully, will have shed some light on what God is doing in my life.
What is it about putting something down on paper, or on a computer screen? The opportunity to see in black-and-white, perhaps... the chance to see if one really is as crazy as she might feel... the opportunity to make a record of a life that others may one day find interesting... seems like a lot to ponder. Whatever the point, the result is often cathartic and clarifying. Writing this blog has definitely become a renewed outlet for me as I walk through a new season in my life. Perhaps writing and walking go hand in hand.
Walking is what we all do. It's the common exercise we each undertake as we progress forward in our journeys here on earth. Consider the fact that we must take the proverbial next step in everything we do. We must constantly move forward or backward from where we are in the present. When we stay in one spot too long, we can't grow. Sometimes the step is hard and strenuous; other times it just comes naturally. Hopefully, the next steps are always in the forward direction. God has me walking forward and it feels great. He is blessing me in this season. It can often feel foreign to take unimpeded steps in my life. That definitely doesn't always happen, but right now, God is leading me through a rich and fulfilling part of my life's journey. It is a beautiful example of His leading me beside still waters and renewing my soul. Certainly there are things I'd like to change in my life right now, but I can gladly say that I am content and blessed as He guides me. As I've written in recent posts, God is using this time to lead me into a new ministry and a new career. He is also using this time to strengthen me for the rest of my journey. The walk is a pleasant one and has come after much waiting.
Waiting is something I absolutely hate to do. Patience, unfortunately, is not my best attribute. Waiting in traffic, in the drive-thru line, for a grade to be posted, for anything really, is just almost more than I can handle. I struggle with waiting to see what God is going to do in my life. I know in my heart that it's in the times of waiting that He does his best work. One thing for which I've been waiting is a renewed relationship with my daughter. God has answered my prayers and has recently given me several opportunities to communicate with her. We even spoke on the phone for four hours one day. There is no way we can make up for the time we've lost by being apart, but these last few weeks of conversation have been a sweet nourishment to my soul. God has blessed the waiting. He's blessing me in my waiting. I want to wait on Him.
What is it about putting something down on paper, or on a computer screen? The opportunity to see in black-and-white, perhaps... the chance to see if one really is as crazy as she might feel... the opportunity to make a record of a life that others may one day find interesting... seems like a lot to ponder. Whatever the point, the result is often cathartic and clarifying. Writing this blog has definitely become a renewed outlet for me as I walk through a new season in my life. Perhaps writing and walking go hand in hand.
Walking is what we all do. It's the common exercise we each undertake as we progress forward in our journeys here on earth. Consider the fact that we must take the proverbial next step in everything we do. We must constantly move forward or backward from where we are in the present. When we stay in one spot too long, we can't grow. Sometimes the step is hard and strenuous; other times it just comes naturally. Hopefully, the next steps are always in the forward direction. God has me walking forward and it feels great. He is blessing me in this season. It can often feel foreign to take unimpeded steps in my life. That definitely doesn't always happen, but right now, God is leading me through a rich and fulfilling part of my life's journey. It is a beautiful example of His leading me beside still waters and renewing my soul. Certainly there are things I'd like to change in my life right now, but I can gladly say that I am content and blessed as He guides me. As I've written in recent posts, God is using this time to lead me into a new ministry and a new career. He is also using this time to strengthen me for the rest of my journey. The walk is a pleasant one and has come after much waiting.
Waiting is something I absolutely hate to do. Patience, unfortunately, is not my best attribute. Waiting in traffic, in the drive-thru line, for a grade to be posted, for anything really, is just almost more than I can handle. I struggle with waiting to see what God is going to do in my life. I know in my heart that it's in the times of waiting that He does his best work. One thing for which I've been waiting is a renewed relationship with my daughter. God has answered my prayers and has recently given me several opportunities to communicate with her. We even spoke on the phone for four hours one day. There is no way we can make up for the time we've lost by being apart, but these last few weeks of conversation have been a sweet nourishment to my soul. God has blessed the waiting. He's blessing me in my waiting. I want to wait on Him.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the LORD!
Psalm 27:14
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Three In a Row
Three weekends, that is. For the past three weekends, I have had the blessing of speaking with my daughter on the phone after a terribly long silence between us. Although we are separated by miles and life choices, I love her and miss her so much. It's hard not to get caught up in the emotion of communicating again. I often feel like we've been forgotten as parents. Our time as her parents has been so short in the grand scheme. Knowing that we've been replaced by people in her current life is sometimes hard to deal with, but I will gladly take any opportunity she provides me to listen and to speak with her. I know that God has a purpose in all of this. The emotions that I feel each day can sometimes be overwhelming. And, if I'm being totally honest, I can feel pretty jealous of the people that are pretending to be her parents. God is not surprised by any of this. He called us to become her parents- her forever parents. I long to see her in person, just to hug her and kiss her forehead. I desperately want her to know that she is loved and that she has value. God knit her together in her birth mother's womb. He knew her before she came into this world. She is here for a purpose. Life has made many twists and turns. I find myself sort of free-floating in a cloud of several emotions, and that's okay. I am so thankful to God for the opportunity I've had to be her mom. And, I'm thankful to Him for the plans he has for us, either together or apart. I know that when I do get the opportunity to wrap my arms around her again, it will be a moment truly made for worshiping and praising the One who made it possible.
Sunday, February 26, 2017
A Brief Update...
Seriously, I have been wanting to blog for so long now. Life gets in the way. Here we are- two months of 2017 in the rear-view. My husband and I are both in school, and things are getting real! I have started school to become a Diagnostic Medical Sonographer (quite a leap from band director)! And my husband is working on a degree in counseling. We have also started a ministry at our church that recruits and serves foster families! I'll write a better post about that, eventually. Our grandson just turned two, and we have been so fortunate to visit him several times since he moved away. He is doing so well! Our daughter is still estranged from us at the moment, but we did get to speak to her this weekend. She finally answered our call. It has been fifteen months since I saw her in person, or hugged her. Before this call, I had not received a text from her in three months, and had not heard her voice in seven months. I miss her dearly. The call was an answer to prayer.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
On my heart...
I am writing this short post to apologize for the previous post. I've removed it. Although I believe strongly that I needed to post that, I realize it is not a post that reflects moments made for worshiping. We all experience times in our lives that are worth celebrating, and those that are require lamenting. The last twelve months have brought some very major changes into my life. The sad fact is that our daughter has chosen to return to her birth family. Thanks to research on the internet, I have found evidence that this kind of action by adopted children is not at all unusual. In fact, it is very common for children adopted as teenagers to return to their families of origin. This news doesn't make it less sad, just a little less personal feeling. I'm not the only adoptive mom that has endured the heartbreak of a child leaving.
God has shown his love to me this year in ways that are too numerous to explain in this short post. My grandson is growing up and I am so thankful that God has allowed me to be a part of his life, even if primarily on FaceTime. My husband and I both have embarked on new educational adventures that are pointing us in totally new career paths. And we LOVE what we are learning. God has also given us a heart to lead a new ministry at our church that will focus on foster care ministry. No, I am not going to be a foster parent at this time. But, God has called us to bring our experiences into the lives of others as we join His Church in meeting the needs of foster children.
Stay tuned!
God has shown his love to me this year in ways that are too numerous to explain in this short post. My grandson is growing up and I am so thankful that God has allowed me to be a part of his life, even if primarily on FaceTime. My husband and I both have embarked on new educational adventures that are pointing us in totally new career paths. And we LOVE what we are learning. God has also given us a heart to lead a new ministry at our church that will focus on foster care ministry. No, I am not going to be a foster parent at this time. But, God has called us to bring our experiences into the lives of others as we join His Church in meeting the needs of foster children.
Stay tuned!
Friday, November 27, 2015
Little Girl, Lost
Have you ever kept something to yourself for so long that it finally just bursts out? You know, the beach ball you've been holding under the surface of the water only until it comes bounding through the water with such strength you can no longer control it? I'm there. My beach ball is coming forth with unstoppable force. I think it wants to see the light of the sun shining above the watery grave in which I've been holding it. My favorite comedian Chonda Pierce recently stated that "Everything that you drag out of the dark into light has no more power over you." So, for better or worse, I'm going to pull this particular story out of the dark and into the light. It will be just the beginning, and many details will be kept to myself, but this process must commence.
My daughter. My beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, daughter. My scarred, damaged, torn, lost daughter. I love you more than I could ever say. I love you more than a blog post could ever describe. You are my daughter. You are a frightened little girl inside. You are hiding behind the mask of adulthood and independent living.
You are my little girl, lost.
How could anyone expect you to not be hiding? You grew up too fast. You were the victim of poor choices. You experienced a life that no one should experience. You were lost in a vast black hole of abuse and horror that no one can imagine. All Dad and I have wanted to do is to show you that you are loved, to protect you, and to give you a better life...
How long will you stay lost? It's your choice now.
To be continued...
My daughter. My beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, daughter. My scarred, damaged, torn, lost daughter. I love you more than I could ever say. I love you more than a blog post could ever describe. You are my daughter. You are a frightened little girl inside. You are hiding behind the mask of adulthood and independent living.
You are my little girl, lost.
How could anyone expect you to not be hiding? You grew up too fast. You were the victim of poor choices. You experienced a life that no one should experience. You were lost in a vast black hole of abuse and horror that no one can imagine. All Dad and I have wanted to do is to show you that you are loved, to protect you, and to give you a better life...
How long will you stay lost? It's your choice now.
To be continued...
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Yes, Dear Reader, I am still here!
The blog world seems to be moving toward extinction, well at least my blog world. With the proliferation of Facebook, blogs are becoming a smaller vehicle for expressing one's self. But, I am endeavoring once again to record my experiences in a blog format. I have a deep urge to write about my life, and Facebook just doesn't cut it- just too much immaturity and re-posting of junk. So, even if no one else wanders this way on their browser, I'll be using this page to get some of my personal junk out of my head. **WARNING** There may be a slight bent towards melancholy for a while, but God is with me still and has never left. Even in the melancholy, I will praise HIM.
Unless you are family or close friends, you've really no idea what the last several years of my life have entailed. I find myself in a weird place in time. The last five years have been a very specific season in my existence and I am not exactly sure what to call the new season. My own life story might send some readers snoozing, but I hope that it may also instill hope in others.
Perhaps starting at the present and looking backward might be the easiest approach...
My feet are tired today from only a few hours in a classroom. I had my first substitute teaching job today after a break of more than five months. Thankfully, it was just an afternoon job to ease me back into the swing of things. The job came at a very important time in my new season. First, I need to make some money!! Debt is a horrible thing and my husband and I are trying to kick it to the curb. Secondly, I need to get out of my house. Nothing says "depression waiting to happen" like a lonely woman in an empty house. It's hard to go from having a daughter and a grandson living with you to not having them here at all. My husband is wonderful, but when he's at work, the house gets very lonely. And, lastly, I needed this dose of reality to get confirmation in my soul about my next transition. I AM SO TIRED OF TEACHING. Today solidified a desire in me to go back to school and start all over. Not only is my area of expertise not conducive to living the Army spouse life, spending time in a classroom just pours salt into a very deep personal wound. It is not possible for me to teach students without being emotionally affected by memories and thoughts of my daughter. At this juncture, the thought of my daughter not being in my life is just too raw and heartbreaking. I'll spare the details of this particular wound for another post.
Until next time, please pray for my husband and me as we learn to live life away from our daughter and our grandson. God has a plan. I'm not privy to it, but I don't have to be.
Unless you are family or close friends, you've really no idea what the last several years of my life have entailed. I find myself in a weird place in time. The last five years have been a very specific season in my existence and I am not exactly sure what to call the new season. My own life story might send some readers snoozing, but I hope that it may also instill hope in others.
Perhaps starting at the present and looking backward might be the easiest approach...
My feet are tired today from only a few hours in a classroom. I had my first substitute teaching job today after a break of more than five months. Thankfully, it was just an afternoon job to ease me back into the swing of things. The job came at a very important time in my new season. First, I need to make some money!! Debt is a horrible thing and my husband and I are trying to kick it to the curb. Secondly, I need to get out of my house. Nothing says "depression waiting to happen" like a lonely woman in an empty house. It's hard to go from having a daughter and a grandson living with you to not having them here at all. My husband is wonderful, but when he's at work, the house gets very lonely. And, lastly, I needed this dose of reality to get confirmation in my soul about my next transition. I AM SO TIRED OF TEACHING. Today solidified a desire in me to go back to school and start all over. Not only is my area of expertise not conducive to living the Army spouse life, spending time in a classroom just pours salt into a very deep personal wound. It is not possible for me to teach students without being emotionally affected by memories and thoughts of my daughter. At this juncture, the thought of my daughter not being in my life is just too raw and heartbreaking. I'll spare the details of this particular wound for another post.
Until next time, please pray for my husband and me as we learn to live life away from our daughter and our grandson. God has a plan. I'm not privy to it, but I don't have to be.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Treading Water
Do you ever feel like it is all you can do to just stay afloat? I have been doing some serious dog-paddling and I am worn out. God called me to more than this. I shouldn't just be treading water, I should be surfing on top of it! This past week has taken the wind out of my sails and it's time to quit living like I should just beach this thing.
I know that God has a glorious and amazing plan for this family. I know He is the author of a wonderful story.
I wish my head would catch up to my heart. This soul is weary.
Isaiah 40:31-
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 43:1-7
43 But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
Friday, August 10, 2012
Wow, it's been too long!
I have almost let this blog die a slow and sad death. But, alas, I have decided to try using it again as an outlet for my crazy journey in this world. Thank you to my one faithful reader who may actually see this! There is no way I could ever catch you up on the last two years, so I am not going to try. However, when I have a bit more time, I will post about the major highlights of our lives. For now, please enjoy the updated photo and check out some of my new favorite links. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Checking in!
Okay, so I've totally neglected my blog for months. It seems that every time I sit down to post, life gets in the way. My life has changed a lot in the past month. I can't wait to devote some time to catching my reader up (you know who you are). For now, all you get is this tiny hello from a weary soul who is desperate to share what she's been up to!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
A Few Screws Loose (or at least one)
If you are squeamish, you might want to skip this post!
After a few months of pain in my right foot, I consulted with my sister who happens to be an orthopedic nurse... Together, we hypothesized that a screw from my most recent foot surgery seemed to be coming out of my foot. The surgery was four years ago. After a few more weeks, I finally saw doctor and he didn't agree. He referred me to a podiatrist who took one look at x-rays and confirmed my self-diagnosis. A screw was indeed backing itself out of my foot and we could actually see the skin raising up because of the screw. The podiatrist called for fairly immediate surgery as soon as the schedule allowed. I actually have three screws in the foot, but he determined that one should be left alone and that he'd remove the loose one and the one next to it.
This Monday, I went in for surgery. It was the absolute best surgery experience I've had so far. The wait was not long at all. I reported to the hospital at 9:45 am and by 10:30 I was in anesthesia. Our Bible study leader walked in and said the schedule had changed and that he would be the one doing my anesthesia. Yippee! A familiar face! I think I was in surgery by 11:00 or so and I was wide awake by 12:10 pm. The actual procedure took seventeen minutes. Once inside my foot, the doctor removed the loose screw with his fingers. It was already so loose that he didn't need a screwdriver. He determined that the second screw was secured enough in the bone that he decided to leave it.
All things went well. I am to be on crutches at least two weeks and cannot put weight on my foot until at least then. My sister and brother-in-law came up for a few days to take care of me while hubby works. They are so sweet to do that!
I'll be pretty lazy for a while, so I thought I'd update my blog.
Here are some pics of the screw that was removed!
After a few months of pain in my right foot, I consulted with my sister who happens to be an orthopedic nurse... Together, we hypothesized that a screw from my most recent foot surgery seemed to be coming out of my foot. The surgery was four years ago. After a few more weeks, I finally saw doctor and he didn't agree. He referred me to a podiatrist who took one look at x-rays and confirmed my self-diagnosis. A screw was indeed backing itself out of my foot and we could actually see the skin raising up because of the screw. The podiatrist called for fairly immediate surgery as soon as the schedule allowed. I actually have three screws in the foot, but he determined that one should be left alone and that he'd remove the loose one and the one next to it.
This Monday, I went in for surgery. It was the absolute best surgery experience I've had so far. The wait was not long at all. I reported to the hospital at 9:45 am and by 10:30 I was in anesthesia. Our Bible study leader walked in and said the schedule had changed and that he would be the one doing my anesthesia. Yippee! A familiar face! I think I was in surgery by 11:00 or so and I was wide awake by 12:10 pm. The actual procedure took seventeen minutes. Once inside my foot, the doctor removed the loose screw with his fingers. It was already so loose that he didn't need a screwdriver. He determined that the second screw was secured enough in the bone that he decided to leave it.
All things went well. I am to be on crutches at least two weeks and cannot put weight on my foot until at least then. My sister and brother-in-law came up for a few days to take care of me while hubby works. They are so sweet to do that!
I'll be pretty lazy for a while, so I thought I'd update my blog.
Here are some pics of the screw that was removed!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Texas Motor Speedway
We've had lots of fun over the past few months. My husband has been very busy with work, but since school's been out, I've been able to see more of his performances. This past weekend was one such experience. The band performed before the Firestone 550 at Texas Motor Speedway. It was an incredibly proud moment! A HUGE THANK YOU to our friends Andy and Lydia for making it possible for me to attend! It was an experience I'll never forget!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Hmmmm.... Let me see...
Wow! I can't believe it, but it's the middle of April. My, how time flies! It will be summer before we know it! Hard to imagine though, with the cold rain outside.
I've been wanting to blog again and I've had several ideas. This may be one of my rambling posts, but does that really matter?
February and March went quickly. However, I received some interesting news from my boss... Due to major budget issues in the education system of this fine state, the school will not be able to hire me at my full-time salary or schedule for next year. Surprisingly, I haven't been too upset yet. They are proposing that I teach band for half of the day, then tutor math and reading for the remaining hours to make up my salary cut with federal money. Not totally sure that I'm sold on that concept, but I know God has a plan and will provide for our needs. I've been looking for other band jobs in the area, but they are almost non-existent. This week, I applied to a school in Texas. It would be a major drive, and many more hours, but I'd get to actually direct a band. Plus, it's Texas... what more can I say?
We've been busy over the past several weeks. Travels have included a trip to Virginia to see our newest nephew. It was an awesome visit. He is adorable! We've also been to Dallas and OKC a few times to visit family. Our friends here seem to think we are never home. And, for a few more weeks, we'll be gone on the weekends again... Last weekend, we got to see one nephew being dedicated at church. It was awesome. He's such a cutie! Next weekend, we'll travel again to our home in Corsicana to visit with our beloved family at MBC. It will be a busy weekend because Patrick is performing in Denton during the weekend. The following weekend, we'll go again for the wedding of friends from the unit.
Some people don't understand our traveling habits. To be honest, it does get tiring sometimes, but I love it. One day, we won't live near family, so we will not get to see them as much as we do now. Until then, our weekends exist to visit them.
I'm going to close this blog with a word about an image God has placed on my heart this week. During a morning drive to work, I had the feeling that I'm still a caterpillar in the cocoon. I'm wiggling, striving, and growing to be a more beautiful creature. Sometimes the loneliness and pressure of the cocoon get to me. Okay, to be honest, it's often... I know God is making me into a beautiful butterfly. I just wish I had more patience.
I've been wanting to blog again and I've had several ideas. This may be one of my rambling posts, but does that really matter?
February and March went quickly. However, I received some interesting news from my boss... Due to major budget issues in the education system of this fine state, the school will not be able to hire me at my full-time salary or schedule for next year. Surprisingly, I haven't been too upset yet. They are proposing that I teach band for half of the day, then tutor math and reading for the remaining hours to make up my salary cut with federal money. Not totally sure that I'm sold on that concept, but I know God has a plan and will provide for our needs. I've been looking for other band jobs in the area, but they are almost non-existent. This week, I applied to a school in Texas. It would be a major drive, and many more hours, but I'd get to actually direct a band. Plus, it's Texas... what more can I say?
We've been busy over the past several weeks. Travels have included a trip to Virginia to see our newest nephew. It was an awesome visit. He is adorable! We've also been to Dallas and OKC a few times to visit family. Our friends here seem to think we are never home. And, for a few more weeks, we'll be gone on the weekends again... Last weekend, we got to see one nephew being dedicated at church. It was awesome. He's such a cutie! Next weekend, we'll travel again to our home in Corsicana to visit with our beloved family at MBC. It will be a busy weekend because Patrick is performing in Denton during the weekend. The following weekend, we'll go again for the wedding of friends from the unit.
Some people don't understand our traveling habits. To be honest, it does get tiring sometimes, but I love it. One day, we won't live near family, so we will not get to see them as much as we do now. Until then, our weekends exist to visit them.
I'm going to close this blog with a word about an image God has placed on my heart this week. During a morning drive to work, I had the feeling that I'm still a caterpillar in the cocoon. I'm wiggling, striving, and growing to be a more beautiful creature. Sometimes the loneliness and pressure of the cocoon get to me. Okay, to be honest, it's often... I know God is making me into a beautiful butterfly. I just wish I had more patience.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Up From The Grave!
Happy Easter! The most important day in the history of the world! On this day, Christ rose from the dead to give hope to the hopeless! Without the Resurrection, there would just be the horrible crucifixion that He endured for OUR sins. Although that is more meaningful than words can express, it is because of His glorious resurrection that we can have a personal relationship with Him! He is Risen! He is Risen, Indeed!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Just one of those moods...
I've found myself in one of those moods over the past week or so. You know, the kind that makes you wonder why you are feeling a certain way. I wouldn't call it a "funk" but it's definitely hard to put a finger on. Sort of a longing, sad, happy, weird, sensitive, questioning, doubting, hoping, needy, nostalgic, wondering, so you can rest medicine...oops, I lost my train of thought.
One of those moods that increases your knowledge of God's presence, but still leaves you thinking too much. I'm there. I have been for several days and I don't like it. My experiences at work this week haven't helped the feeling go away. For a little while at community group last night it hid itself, but alas, it quickly hopped back out its corner.
This mood led me to do something I really hoped I'd not do. Against my own sense of logic and self-preservation, I reached out to a person who could not care less about me. Has God ever placed someone on your heart that you tried with all of your might to avoid? The hardest part is knowing that the person will never care about what I said or did. Did I misunderstand God's leading? Maybe it's just all part of this weird emotional zone I'm finding myself in. Maybe it's just hormones or a bit of mustard... Who knows?
I wait patiently for you, Lord. Turn to me and hear my cry. Lift me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; Set my feet on a rock and give me a firm place to stand. Lord, put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to you my God. Psalm 40:1-3.
One of those moods that increases your knowledge of God's presence, but still leaves you thinking too much. I'm there. I have been for several days and I don't like it. My experiences at work this week haven't helped the feeling go away. For a little while at community group last night it hid itself, but alas, it quickly hopped back out its corner.
This mood led me to do something I really hoped I'd not do. Against my own sense of logic and self-preservation, I reached out to a person who could not care less about me. Has God ever placed someone on your heart that you tried with all of your might to avoid? The hardest part is knowing that the person will never care about what I said or did. Did I misunderstand God's leading? Maybe it's just all part of this weird emotional zone I'm finding myself in. Maybe it's just hormones or a bit of mustard... Who knows?
I wait patiently for you, Lord. Turn to me and hear my cry. Lift me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; Set my feet on a rock and give me a firm place to stand. Lord, put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to you my God. Psalm 40:1-3.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
My Absence...
My absence from blogging has been too long! I want to write, but simply can't put my thoughts together for a good post! So, in the meantime, read about our Road Trip on hubby's blog, http://saxboy.blogspot.com!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Dreams
Have you ever had a dream that was so vivid and real that you wish it wasn't just a silly dream? I've had dreams that are scary that I hope never come true, but I've also had dreams that were so amazing I hope they do! Over my life time, some of my dreams have had ingredients that show themselves in reality. Last night, I had a dream that I pray has some basis in reality. It felt so real. You know, one of those dreams from which you wake up feeling like it really happened. I have spent a lot of time praying about the exact topic of this dream. Perhaps, that's why I experienced this one. I have been praying about a particular situation for over a year. I know it's in God's hands and that I can do nothing else about it. I continue to pray that there would be reconciliation like the one that took place in my dream.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Time to Think...
I've got lots of it tonight - time to think. I am sitting in my empty music room, in an otherwise empty building, passing the hours as I fulfill my teacher duty and await parent conferences. Our small district has occasional parent/teacher conference nights. This is my first. We are required to stay at school from 7:50 am this morning until 9:30 pm tonight. Parents were invited to schedule appointments with us from 3:30 pm until 9:30 pm. We must stay here even if we have no conferences. Two parents scheduled meetings with me. Their students are good students, so I don't foresee any issues. My first meeting was at 3:45. My next one is at 7:30.
I should be using this time wisely. You know... Lesson plans, grading papers, getting instruments ready to be issued, cleaning and organizing my desk, and any other job-related activities that need to be completed. In reality, I'm just plain lazy and have completely lost me drive for perfection! My poor students deserve better! I just don't have any passion for this right now. Fortunately, as a reward for staying tonight, we do get next Friday off! Yippee!!!!
My time to think is prompting me to consider where I might be a year from now. I have completed one of two steps to apply to graduate school for a Master's in Conducting. No, that is not a degree that would allow me to drive a train! It is definitely where my brain is right now. I know it will be tough to get in. I am supposed to submit videos of me directing an ensemble. Wait a minute, I don't currently have an "ensemble" to conduct! So, I'm going to have to get creative.
On a different note... I quit my weight-loss plan a long time ago. I've all but given up! I need to get motivated again!
Okay, I'll save you from my rambling! Got a parent coming in about 30 minutes. Better get prepared...
I should be using this time wisely. You know... Lesson plans, grading papers, getting instruments ready to be issued, cleaning and organizing my desk, and any other job-related activities that need to be completed. In reality, I'm just plain lazy and have completely lost me drive for perfection! My poor students deserve better! I just don't have any passion for this right now. Fortunately, as a reward for staying tonight, we do get next Friday off! Yippee!!!!
My time to think is prompting me to consider where I might be a year from now. I have completed one of two steps to apply to graduate school for a Master's in Conducting. No, that is not a degree that would allow me to drive a train! It is definitely where my brain is right now. I know it will be tough to get in. I am supposed to submit videos of me directing an ensemble. Wait a minute, I don't currently have an "ensemble" to conduct! So, I'm going to have to get creative.
On a different note... I quit my weight-loss plan a long time ago. I've all but given up! I need to get motivated again!
Okay, I'll save you from my rambling! Got a parent coming in about 30 minutes. Better get prepared...
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