These past several months have been some of the most interesting of my life. I'd be lying if I claimed that this has all been easy. I realize that, compared to the struggles of others, the past months should have seemed like a breeze. Really, what do I have to complain about? Well, consider me a wimp. Don't misunderstand. I knew that this transition would be a test of character. I wasn't blind to the fact that it would be an emotional journey. There are so many things that have changed and I'm certain it's just the beginning. Part of me thought I'd be stronger. It was pride, I know. It's always been hard for me to admit when something is scary or overwhelming (probably the tom-boy in me).
As things have begun to settle down a bit, I should be pretty content. After all, I'm getting to spend more time with my wonderful husband. Our marriage is growing stronger each week. I have a job I like and feel like I'm contributing. That being said, I still find myself attending my own pity party this week. Satan is trying hard to steal my joy. I know that God is defending me against the liar's attacks. But, none-the-less, I'm having trouble letting some things go.
The amazing thing is that God has a wonderful way of pointing me back in the right direction. He draws me to himself in such undemanding ways. During some reading time this week, He has shown me several things that have knocked me right in the heart. I have a major problem (as my family will tell you) with taking everything too seriously. I try to deny it, but it's true. While reading "My Utmost for His Highest" this week, several things have appeared to be written directly to me.
Never show the depth of your life to anyone but God. We are so nauseatingly serious, so desperately interested in our own character and reputation, we refuse to behave like Christians in the shallow concerns of life. Make a determination to take no one seriously except God. You may find that the first person you must be the most critical with, as being the greatest fraud you have ever known, is yourself. My Utmost-Nov. 22
As if that weren't hard-hitting enough, the next day included this convicting passage.
Another thing that distracts us is our passion for vindication. St. Augustine prayed, "O Lord, deliver me from this lust of always vindicating myself." Such a need for constant vindication destroys our soul's faith in God. Don't say, "I must explain myself," or, "I must get people to understand." Our Lord never explained anything-He left the misunderstandings or misconceptions of others to correct themselves. My Utmost-Nov. 23
Needless to say, I've had a very healthy, but painful, dose of God's correction in the past two days. What started out to be a pity-party post taking a couple of days to write has turned into a major lesson in spiritual growth for me. What would I do if God ever gave up on me? He is more merciful than I could ever deserve and more loving than I could ever repay. Thank you, Father!
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